Note: This is a repost of an article that originally appeared on the site blackandmarriedwithkids.com and was shared on more than 2,700 facebook pages, and became a chapter in the ebook, 5 Things You Need to Know About Marriage.
Okay so I can not speak for every man, every where, but can I just share a few things that I and many of the men that I speak to really appreciate about our wives? It is important that it is understood that this is a list by a husband, and for husbands to share about and with their wives. Why is that an important disclosure? Because this post is not about finding a woman, nor about sex (per se). It is not about relegating our love for our wives to their shape, or anything about their outer appearance. Rather it is about letting our wives know why and what we really love bout them – beyond the physical, on the inside.
We as men, are often thought to be singular in our approach and love for women. But if a man is married or committed to getting married, than his love for his wife is about so much more than the physical. Yes, our passions get riled up when you wear that little black dress or get a new hair style. But the real – lasting love we have for our wife comes from her character and who she is on the inside (all of my Bible readers can look to 1 Peter 3:1-6):
- Forgiveness. We love it when you forgive us. We all mess up, that’s male and female, but nothing is greater than knowing you have forgiven us for our mess ups. We “see” your love when you accept our apology and we can put it to rest.
- Respect. Every man, at some point crosses the “I need to be respected” bridge. It is also true that every man defines respect differently. However, you define it, let your wife know. Because it is an essential component of being a man. At its core, value the weight we bear. I know, you carry weight too, but for whatever reason, men see respect as reciprocal (my non-scientific opinion).
- Courtesy. We love to be asked to do something, it goes with knowing we are valued. But I don’t know any man that enjoys being told what to do.
- Trust. Trust is hot. When you trust me and I trust you, what can come between us?
- Openness. We love it when we don’t have to guess what is on your mind. Make us guess and we will get it wrong, tell us and we will know.
- Unselfishness. Share your love and you will get the best of our love in return.
- Understanding. We sometimes make wrong decisions, but we fall deeper in love with you when you understand that, it does not make us any less a man.
- Patience. Husbands lead but that role does not come with a manual. So please be patient with me. Knowing you are not watching my every move waiting to pounce on my “manhood” or weaknesses, makes me love you more, and relax into my role.
- Listening. We are trying to tell you something. I have a different perspective, it may not make sense to you, but I love it when you listen to what I have to say, without me feeling it will be rejected before I even get done speaking.
- Faith. Okay this one is personal. My wife is at her hottest when she is praising the Lord! Hair-do’s, new bags, heels, and some nice clothes are cute but let me catch her in worship and I am done.
- Humor. Life is so serious when we go outside of our home, but I need for things between us to be at a place where we can cut life’s tension with unbridled laughter.
Of course, most of these attributes are reciprocal. If we as husbands don’t initiate or display these same attributes than we should not expect them from our wives in return. But the point is that we at times are silent about the intangible things we love about our wives. So tell them, let her know, I love it when you _________.
How about you EYM what non-physical attributes do you love about your wife and have you ever told her?