My Inner Conflicts

My Inner Conflicts

My younger daughter was not able to go to school a few days ago because she wasn’t feeling well. She was more upset about not being at school as opposed to being sick and being at home with mommy. I cannot blame her, though. I was, however, feeling guilty about not being at work. I shouldn’t feel this way because my family comes first but just the feeling of having to call my job and let them know that I wasn’t going to be there made me a little uneasy. I hope it doesn’t make me sound like a bad parent because I prefer to be at work when I am supposed to be at work as opposed to being at home? As a mother, I tend to have this conflicting feeling whenever I am not able to take care of my work responsibilities. Don’t know why but it is a constant reminder to me that I need not feel guilty when I take care of myself or my family. I strongly feel that my place is in the home and trying to juggle being an effective parent, wife, and career-oriented individual seems to take a toll on me sometimes. It is as if I am being pulled from every direction possible.

I am sure I am not the only parent who struggles with these emotions and as time goes on I hope they will subside, however, for right now I have to take it to Him in prayer and leave it there. I know I am not ‘superwoman’ and I cannot do it all by myself but at a certain point I know He is carrying me to the next level of my journey with Him and that gives me some peace. It is fascinating to know that He has the whole world in His hands (If I am not mistaken, I think these are the words of a song) and He knows us all by name, He knows every strand of hair on our bodies, He knows us from the top of our heads to the soles of our feet. In essence, He knows everything! As I am writing this article I have to ask myself, “Am I conflicted because of the world or am I conflicted because I do not know the role God wants me to play.” I can honestly say that I do not know the answer to that question; again, I have to take it to the Lord in prayer. I cannot hear His voice if I am too busy being pulled in every direction imaginable, now can I? I need to make more time for hearing the Lord’s voice because I am tired of hearing my voice saying things that doesn’t ring true to His word, His calling on my life.   Diane A. Green is an awesome wife to a wonderful husband, the mother of two beautiful girls, a Human Capital professional and an aspiring author. Godiou Green

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