I often write about dealing with difficult symptoms and behaviors in children because it can be a very detrimental force in a marriage if not properly addressed. The stress of a chaotic household will work against a once-healthy marriage.
Also detrimental, however, is the stress of having no children despite the hopes, dreams, and efforts. For those of you who are dealing with the struggle of infertility, I recognize that not all articles I have written may apply to you at this time, and I apologize if they have ever been salt in your wounds.
Fertility issues can often become an elephant in the room – a topic dripping with emotional reactivity that has been brought up so many times with no resolution and no sense of closure that it goes unspoken as a dark cloud hovering over your interactions. It may be a miscarriage, a stillbirth, an infant loss, an abortion… or an inability to even get as far as the first positive pregnancy test.
Fertility treatments, month after month of bouncing back and forth between hope and disappointment, charting, and schedules: It all has the potential to become utterly exhausting. As we know, emotional and physical exhaustion can significantly impair the ability of a couple to maintain good communication and keep emotions from interfering.
My thoughts turn to Abraham and Isaac. Abraham was asked by God to offer his son as a sacrifice. He took his son up the mountain, built an offer, tied his son and put him on the altar, drew back his knife, and… an angel intervened. God provided a ram for Abraham to sacrifice so he could keep his son. The point? Abraham was willing.
Abraham was willing to let go of the hopes and dreams HE had, and trust the hopes and dreams God the Father had for him. It’s no easy task, right? To trust that God has a plan, even if the pregnancy ends without a take-home baby; even if you have to plan a funeral before you ever imagined; even if it takes an indefinite amount of time before you see a second pink line, and even if you never do. God has a plan. Abraham was blessed because he accepted God’s plan, even when it was going to be painful.
You have two choices. Accept that God has a plan and welcome peace, or refuse and choose to be bitter and resentful. Neither choice will give you power over your circumstances, but only one can benefit your marriage. Only one can allow you to feel renewed.
Keri Kitchen is a devoted wife and mother, blogger, author of Love Isn’t Selfish, licensed mental health counselor, and founder of The Carys Rainn Foundation. To read more about what God is doing in her life, visit her blog at www.aftertherainn.com